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I broke things.
It didn't seem like something I'd do. But it felt right.
Since late summer I've been experimenting. Drawing and painting, trying new things, and reveling in the freedom of it all. I've felt this amazing ability to let go of the guilt one usually gets when not doing what one is "supposed to be doing".
I’ve felt taken over by creativity, and I’ve allowed myself to let it happen. It's been a gift.
But, I've got responsibilities, timelines, goals, and a Fiber Art Project Grant. The free-wheeling can’t continue indefinitely. Which, I'm not going to lie, has been a tough fact to face.
It didn't seem like something I'd do. But it felt right.
Since late summer I've been experimenting. Drawing and painting, trying new things, and reveling in the freedom of it all. I've felt this amazing ability to let go of the guilt one usually gets when not doing what one is "supposed to be doing".
I’ve felt taken over by creativity, and I’ve allowed myself to let it happen. It's been a gift.
But, I've got responsibilities, timelines, goals, and a Fiber Art Project Grant. The free-wheeling can’t continue indefinitely. Which, I'm not going to lie, has been a tough fact to face.
Fitting the Broken Pieces Together – in a New Way
For a while I actually thought I would have to give up on my textile art. It was simply too hard to pull myself away from drawing and painting with pastels. That amazing feeling of flow that I’ve been experiencing when I draw and paint, has been a true siren call.
I reminded myself that it wouldn't be in my own best interest to not complete what I had set out to do. Also, did I really want to give back the $5,000 I received for the Project Grant? Did I really want to tell the wonderful people who awarded me that money that I was giving up?
No.
Not at all.
What I needed to do was pick up all the pieces I broke and figure out a new way to put them together. A way that would work for me now, in my new place.
The pieces:
I got serious and wrote down a daily routine for myself that would allow me to fit in all the parts.
I reminded myself that it wouldn't be in my own best interest to not complete what I had set out to do. Also, did I really want to give back the $5,000 I received for the Project Grant? Did I really want to tell the wonderful people who awarded me that money that I was giving up?
No.
Not at all.
What I needed to do was pick up all the pieces I broke and figure out a new way to put them together. A way that would work for me now, in my new place.
The pieces:
- Jerome Project Fiber Grant
- Textile art
- Pastels: drawing and painting
- Making money
- Taking a break from making “products”
- Feeling free to be creative
I got serious and wrote down a daily routine for myself that would allow me to fit in all the parts.
The Ah-ha! Moment
Writing it down was the easy part. As I struggled to start my new routine, I realized something huge. The fiber work was feeling really hard. Not because I didn’t like it anymore. No; but because in my mind it felt scary. Unlike when I created textile art in the past, this time the stakes are high: I have a Grant, an upcoming Exhibition, and Very Important People to please and impress.
The pastel work, on the other hand, is just for me. It has an experimental feeling and there are no stakes.
Ah-ha!
I realized that I needed to take the pressure off my textile work. I didn't want to get started on it again because it felt so risky and I was having a fear of failure. So, using what I learned from my research on creativity – in fact, exactly what got me started on pastels – I decided to re-frame things in my head.
I told myself, the next textile piece I made would be a warm-up. Like when you’re learning a new card game and the first round you play is just to get the rules figured out. No pressure; just explore. Plus, you know that Picasso quote: “Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working.” I needed to get to work.
And what do you know. For two weeks now, I’ve had my new routine working. That first week, I created a piece of textile art that I don’t know how I feel about. It’s not so great – but who cares, it was only for practice. The real point of that piece was that it helped me get into the new routine.
The pastel work, on the other hand, is just for me. It has an experimental feeling and there are no stakes.
Ah-ha!
I realized that I needed to take the pressure off my textile work. I didn't want to get started on it again because it felt so risky and I was having a fear of failure. So, using what I learned from my research on creativity – in fact, exactly what got me started on pastels – I decided to re-frame things in my head.
I told myself, the next textile piece I made would be a warm-up. Like when you’re learning a new card game and the first round you play is just to get the rules figured out. No pressure; just explore. Plus, you know that Picasso quote: “Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working.” I needed to get to work.
And what do you know. For two weeks now, I’ve had my new routine working. That first week, I created a piece of textile art that I don’t know how I feel about. It’s not so great – but who cares, it was only for practice. The real point of that piece was that it helped me get into the new routine.
Settling In
I’ve started to realize these seemingly disparate undertakings are all part of my year-long Jerome Project Grant. All of it: researching creativity, breaking my routine, experiencing the freedom of the pastel work, the challenge of getting back to textile work, discovering the necessity of a new routine.
Actually, sorting out all of this has accomplished exactly what I wanted when I originally wrote my grant proposal last May:
Actually, sorting out all of this has accomplished exactly what I wanted when I originally wrote my grant proposal last May:
“My main goal in asking for this grant is that it would allow me the opportunity to step away from my product-based business and have dedicated, uninterrupted time to work on my studio art practice. The possibility of having the freedom of time to get my ideas out of my mind and onto my “canvas”, so to speak, is very exciting.”
I’ve gone through all of this to discover my new studio art practice. Wow.
I'm starting to settle into my new routine. It includes both textile art and pastel painting. Things are flowing easier. I’m feeling inspired by both mediums. In fact, every day I feel like pinching myself because I can hardly believe I got what I wished for: a studio art practice.
It feels good.
I'm starting to settle into my new routine. It includes both textile art and pastel painting. Things are flowing easier. I’m feeling inspired by both mediums. In fact, every day I feel like pinching myself because I can hardly believe I got what I wished for: a studio art practice.
It feels good.
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Human beings are a confusing species. There is such a duality to us. Consider the two opposing human desires of predictability and exploration. How is it that a species can desire both? They are opposites. But yet, they must be two sides of the same coin, because we do.
On one hand, we love to fit things into boxes. We want simple explanations; we want there to be absolute answers, we want things to be black and white. We like predictability. It makes it easy for our brains to process information if we can quickly name it and file it away.
It is comforting and comfortable to live with the known.
On one hand, we love to fit things into boxes. We want simple explanations; we want there to be absolute answers, we want things to be black and white. We like predictability. It makes it easy for our brains to process information if we can quickly name it and file it away.
It is comforting and comfortable to live with the known.
"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort."
~Jane Austen, novelist
Contrast that with the human desire for exploration. Humans crave the new. We love to learn, make discoveries, and explore the vast unknown. We like a challenge. We are curious beings. We strive for creativity and originality.
There is joy to be found by stepping into the unknown.
"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?"
~Vincent van Gogh, artist
So, there’s a dichotomy. We want to feel comfortable; comfort is such a warm and cozy feeling. As for the unknown, there is discomfort there. There is fear: of uncertainty, of failure, of insecurity; there is stress.
"Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties."
~Erich Fromm, social psychologist
It doesn’t make sense to always be outside of your comfort zone. It would be utterly stressful to never have the comfort of the known. It also doesn’t make sense to always be comfortable. Boredom, perhaps even regret, is sure to follow.
It can’t be one or the other. In fact, I think it’s actually the contrast between the known and the unknown that is most beneficial to us. We can’t have one without the other, because it's the contrast itself that provides the enjoyment. If there is too little contrast, what is life but monotony?
"What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness."
~John Steinbeck, author
We need to allow ourselves to go through the uneasiness of the unknown, so that we can find the delight of discovering new things; about ourselves, about our world. Once we push ourselves through this discomfort, the unknown is unknown no longer. We will find our minds expanded and we will become comfortable with this new way of being.
Then we can begin again. Push and expand, understand and relax. Both, and.
My studio in October 2018. I keep trying new things in my studio practice, and I recently rearranged my studio to make space for my discovery of pastels and my expansion of textile art. Yet, I find comfort in sticking to a schedule and spending my days in my cozy studio and my evenings relaxing with my family.
"My comfort zone is like a little bubble around me, and I've pushed it in different directions and made it bigger and bigger until these objectives that seemed totally crazy eventually fall within the realm of the possible."
~Alex Honnold, rock climber
"Let your curiosity be greater than your fear."
~Pema Chodron, Buddhist teacher & nun
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“Expectations are blindfolds. They come from thinking that we need to be somewhere other than where we are. Start working right now, from the immediate place, with the feelings you have at the moment.”
~Shaun McNiff
Although I've always loved creating art, I feel stiff and scared whenever I try new art materials. I have a fear of not knowing what I'm doing and I worry that I'm doing it wrong and it won't turn out. In fact, I haven't tried any new art materials in quite a while. I think it's because I have this preoccupation with the final result.
Currently, I'm researching creativity for my grant project and I've been doing a lot of reading on the subject. In the book Trust the Process: An Artist’s Guide to Letting Go, author Shaun McNiff urges us to be playful with new art materials. He wants us to simply see what the materials can do without an expectation of the final result.
He says, "We do not have to know where we're going at the beginning of the creative act. People who control the work in advance are pushing against the grain of creation, so no wonder there are feelings of inhibition and emptiness."
The other day my son dropped his pristine set of chalk pastels and was utterly devastated. In that moment, I had a flashback to my own childhood urges to keep everything perfect. I thought, what was the point in keeping all those art materials looking new?
So I asked my son if I could use his broken pastels.
I found some black paper and I sat myself out in my backyard. It was a lovely summer evening and I sat for a minute and watched the bumble bees buzzing on my coneflowers. My daughter's interest was sparked, and she sat down next to me and asked for paper. We both started drawing. We chatted. We broke the pastels even more.
It was just right: she was without self-consciousness and I felt the same. We were in the moment and it was playful and relaxing.
So I asked my son if I could use his broken pastels.
I found some black paper and I sat myself out in my backyard. It was a lovely summer evening and I sat for a minute and watched the bumble bees buzzing on my coneflowers. My daughter's interest was sparked, and she sat down next to me and asked for paper. We both started drawing. We chatted. We broke the pastels even more.
It was just right: she was without self-consciousness and I felt the same. We were in the moment and it was playful and relaxing.
I can already see that during the process of this grant project I'm going to be doing more than creating fiber art. I'm giving myself permission to let go of expectations. I'm going to explore new art materials and simply play.
I may even break things more often.
I may even break things more often.
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My latest work of textile art “Two Views” got its start back in September when I had been making an overabundance of sharks and I needed a creative break. It wasn’t in my schedule, but I pulled out some fabrics and decided to work on something different for the day.
Generally, I think about ideas for weeks or months before I begin a project. I used to feel odd about the fact that I don’t do a lot of sketching before I start, but I’ve come to terms with it. That’s just not the way I work. Instead, I turn ideas over in my head for a long time. I let ideas come to me when I’m on a run or when I’m lying in bed, and I only rarely sketch.
As for color selection, I take quite a bit of time to find the right color combinations for a project. My fabrics are to me like paints are to a painter; my color palette. I really enjoy coordinating each project’s color scheme.
After I chose the blues I wanted for this project, I cut the fabrics into strips. I decided to create two slightly different patterns with the same colors so I could explore my interest in contradictions with this work.
For one of the patterns I cut narrow blue strips and placed them between wider gray strips. For the other pattern I did the opposite: wide blue strips and narrow gray. I sewed all the strips together and ironed them flat.
For one of the patterns I cut narrow blue strips and placed them between wider gray strips. For the other pattern I did the opposite: wide blue strips and narrow gray. I sewed all the strips together and ironed them flat.
At that point, I had to set the project to the side. It wasn’t until February that I was able to take it up again.
I do a lot of ruminating on philosophical ideas. I like to consider things like: what makes us human, how society works, and the intricacies of human relationships. I also love to learn about the latest science on the human brain.
When I took out the two blue patterns five months later, I had been thinking extensively about the concept of reality. Everyone is different. Our upbringings and our unique life experiences are like filters, and it is through these filters that we understand the world. I like to ponder if there is an actual true Reality when we are all looking at the world in so many different ways.
In his book The Corrections, Jonathan Franzen wrote, "Life has a kind of velvet luster. You look at yourself from one perspective and all you see is weirdness. Move your head a little bit, though, and everything looks reasonably normal." I find this idea fascinating. I frequently notice that I hold two seemingly contradictory feelings or thoughts or views at the same time. I decided to explore these ideas further as I worked with the two slightly different blue striped patterns.
With my rotary cutter and straight edge, I began to slice the striped patterns into strips of varying sizes. I arranged and rearranged these strips into a new pattern. As usual, I ran out of table space and had to use my studio floor.
I worked to create two interwoven, slightly contradictory, and alternating patterns to represent two views of the world being held simultaneously. As the arrangement came together, I took my seam ripper and broke up the strips into smaller pieces. I added more details, including a touch of contrast with the color yellow.
Most of the time, I don’t have a predetermined design that I’m working to create. Likewise, for this project I used the process of cutting and arranging to lead me to the final design. This way of working can itself be a contradiction since it's both exciting and nerve-racking to work when the outcome is unknown. I have to do a lot of stepping back and looking and thinking during the process.
Once I was pleased with the arrangement, I started to sew everything together. I like to be very precise in my work and this took a fair amount of time.
I carefully lined up each strip of fabric with the next one and pinned them together. Then I sewed, and ironed, and continued on to the next strip with pinning, and sewing, and so on.
I carefully lined up each strip of fabric with the next one and pinned them together. Then I sewed, and ironed, and continued on to the next strip with pinning, and sewing, and so on.
When all the strips were sewn together, I added a wide fabric border. The final step was to stretch it over a canvas wrapped wooden frame. Then the piece was finished!
I think this artwork would look wonderful framed in a modern white float frame. Its complex, yet soothing pattern, simple straight lines, and beautiful blues will bring a sense of calm and interest to any space.
'Two Views' 30" x 40" Linen and cotton fabric.
You can see this piece in person at the upcoming American Craft Council Show in St. Paul, April 20 - 22, 2018. I'll be in booth 510.
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An unexpected year of sharks reinforced the idea that there is no path, you make the path as you go. But, it's also gotten me thinking. Yes, sometimes it's a good idea to ride the wave when it's coming in. But, maybe other times it's wiser to go against the flow. In order to make progress on my art, I may need to be more mindful to stay on task this year.
I started last year with intentions of spending a whole lot of time exploring my new love: wall art. I got through the winter and the spring creating new works and exploring new ideas. It was thrilling!
I made my first sale of wall art at the American Craft Show in April, where I was also awarded the Award of Excellence in Booth Design. Things were looking good! Then, my handbag line got picked up by the prestigious Walker Art Center's gift shop, as well as the UptownMN shop in the MSP Airport. I was so happy!
And then came mid-summer. Unexpectedly, the year turned into (cue the Jaws theme music: dun dunnnnnn, dun dun dunnnnnnn... ) The Year of the Shark.
I made my first sale of wall art at the American Craft Show in April, where I was also awarded the Award of Excellence in Booth Design. Things were looking good! Then, my handbag line got picked up by the prestigious Walker Art Center's gift shop, as well as the UptownMN shop in the MSP Airport. I was so happy!
And then came mid-summer. Unexpectedly, the year turned into (cue the Jaws theme music: dun dunnnnnn, dun dun dunnnnnnn... ) The Year of the Shark.
The Year of the Shark
At the end of July, with a single day's warning, Etsy chose to feature my 'Out to Sea' Shark Bite Pouch on their front page.
This launched a tidal wave of orders!
Only a few weeks into the feature, I was booked with 12 weeks worth of work! At that point, I removed all Shark Bite pouches from my Etsy shop to stem the tide of incoming orders.
Etsy's front page July 25 - August 31, 2017
Of course I was beyond thrilled with the orders, the feature, and the attention. However, after weeks and weeks of shark-making, I started to feel disappointed that I didn't have time to work on new pieces of textile art -- or anything else, such as handbags, bug purses, or even blog posts (note my long absence from blogging last year).
As Autumn rolled around, I was ready to stop making sharks and get back to my explorations of art.
As Autumn rolled around, I was ready to stop making sharks and get back to my explorations of art.
But, the Year of the Shark didn't stop there.
My favorite retailer, Uncommon Goods, was looking to get in on the shark action! After a smattering of small orders, they suddenly placed an order for 120 sharks (!) in November. I almost told them, "No thanks, I've had enough of sharks for the year." But, I challenged myself to take the order and completed 120 sharks in just three weeks.
My favorite retailer, Uncommon Goods, was looking to get in on the shark action! After a smattering of small orders, they suddenly placed an order for 120 sharks (!) in November. I almost told them, "No thanks, I've had enough of sharks for the year." But, I challenged myself to take the order and completed 120 sharks in just three weeks.
Now that was an epic finale to the unexpected Year of the Shark!
Conclusions
How many sharks did I actually make last year, you ask? I've crunched the numbers and it turns out that I made approximately 440 Shark Bite and Baby Shark Bite pouches last year.
That comes out to about 5 months worth of working on sharks full-time!
What got me through such an intensive amount of time creating sharks? Well, it was helpful to have a vacation to look forward to!
That comes out to about 5 months worth of working on sharks full-time!
What got me through such an intensive amount of time creating sharks? Well, it was helpful to have a vacation to look forward to!
I ended the year with a much needed break: a family dream-vacation in Maui, Hawaii.
Although, I didn't see any sharks, I did see: humpback whales, eels, an octopus, sea turtles, manta rays, and loads of fish and coral!
Although, I didn't see any sharks, I did see: humpback whales, eels, an octopus, sea turtles, manta rays, and loads of fish and coral!
I went scuba diving, surfing, snorkeling, whale watching, and spent plenty of time swimming in the sea and exploring the island. It was wonderful.
Now I'm back in my studio, thinking about the year ahead. I plan to make some changes. I'm ready to make this year The Year of Exploring Textile Art. And so that it doesn't get away from me again, I'll have to do things a little bit differently.
I think sharks will need to take a back burner if I want to make progress on my art.
First, however, I have an order of 30 sharks to complete...
Happy New Year!
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If you follow me on Instagram you may know that I've started creating wall art this year. And I've fallen a bit in love. It all started with a small piece I put together just for kicks over a year ago, created with some left-overs from a purse.
I didn't do anything with that one piece at the time, and it fell to the bottom of the pile on my side table. But the idea of creating wall art grew on me. Throughout the fall my mind was full of ideas. Color combinations I wanted to work with swirled around in my head.
I couldn't take action at the time; holiday shows and orders took precedent and I had to wait until the new year to start exploring my ideas. But once my time freed up, I went all in -- and for the past few months, I've been wholeheartedly enjoying the process of assembling textiles into arrangements of pattern and color.
'The Interplay of Opposites', cotton and linen fabrics
Creating larger works, without the constraints of turning them into handbags, has allowed me to explore so many ideas.
I've been able to think about how to create the look of movement with arrangements of fabric.
I've been enthralled with exploring the idea of opposites, especially at a time of such polarization in our country.
Creating larger works, without the constraints of turning them into handbags, has allowed me to explore so many ideas.
I've been able to think about how to create the look of movement with arrangements of fabric.
I've been enthralled with exploring the idea of opposites, especially at a time of such polarization in our country.
'The Interplay of Opposites' by Mary Pow
'The Interplay of Opposites' by Mary Pow
There is a lot more that I want to do. In fact, it seems that I have an over-abundance of ideas for color combinations and patterns that I want to work with. I especially want to think more about how opposites can work together. And I don't want to stop making more.
There is a lot more that I want to do. In fact, it seems that I have an over-abundance of ideas for color combinations and patterns that I want to work with. I especially want to think more about how opposites can work together. And I don't want to stop making more.
However, the American Craft Show in St. Paul is coming up in just a few weeks. Since I applied in the Fashion Accessories category, I need to stop making wall art (for now) and focus on making more handbags.
I will have the handful of pieces of wall art that I've completed this year at the show; but, for the most part, I'll have handbags, purses, and wrap belts. I'm excited to show off some new colorways, and I'll have a couple of new handbag styles. I think it's going to be a fantastic event.
The American Craft Show in St. Paul is April 7-9, 2017. I'll be in booth 510.
I hope to see you there!
I hope to see you there!
